An excerpt from Caitlin Hegwood's Latest Book:
Sexual trauma can resurface five days, five months, five years, or 50 years after the event occurred. If you have had sexual trauma it is important to identify triggers which send the body and mind into a heightened, reactive state of fight, flight, freeze. It is equally important to have a discussion with your sexual partner prior to a sexual encounter which may re-traumatize.
If sexual trauma is something you are beginning to uncover within yourself, research sexual trauma, get help with a therapist, and find out how you can heal. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) has worked wonders for me.
~“You’ve had sex with HOW MANY PEOPLE?”
~“Having sex before marriage is unacceptable, NOT OKAY!”
~“Don’t have sex! You’ll get pregnant. And if you don't get pregnant, here is the list of diseases you can get.”
Nothing is off limits. And don't get me started on the shame surrounding genitalia shape, size, smell and taste!
"Smells like tuna"
"Tastes like soap"
When an initial judgement or feeling of shame comes into your mind as a thought, notice it before reacting and ask yourself the following:
Where is the judgement, or feeling of shame, coming from?
Whose judgement is this? Your own? Society? A past partner?
And most importantly, Is it true?
Remember: Sex is natural. Thoughts and judgments are natural. Reacting to thoughts and judgments surrounding sex is a choice. Only after full deliberation should one act. This takes time and effort. If you are dedicated to this practice of self-reflection, anything can be accomplished, including not shaming yourself or others based on sexuality.
Step #1. Self Reflection
No one knows you better than you know yourself. Having considered this, many of us do not know ourselves well when it comes to our sexuality. You may not have had the opportunity to explore these differing aspects because of the culture you grew up in, the relationships you've had, or the social group with which you interact. Using Self Reflection as a tool, one can become aware of beliefs and feelings toward sexuality. Ask yourself the following questions to uncover your beliefs:
-What is my belief on the nature of sex? Its purpose?
-How do these beliefs impact my willingness to look at my sexuality?
-What taboos do I have towards my own sexuality or sex in general?
-What is my reaction when I think about sex? With myself? With others?
-What is the value of shared sexual experience?
a social or religious custom prohibiting or forbidding discussion of a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.
If you would like to read steps #2-#7 order her book on Amazon by clicking here or go to her website www.Incorporate-Wellness.com/shop/
eBook on sale for $4.99
Hard Copies Available for $9.99
2.) Braggarts (The circle formerly known as Lust)
3.) PEOPLE WHO LEAVE GROCERY CARTS IN THE LOT (Gluttony)
4.) People who subject others to their pyramid schemes through social media (GREED)
5.) People who make everything about themselves (Anger)
6.) Slut Shamers (Heresy)
7.) Victim Blamers (Violence)
8.) FRAUD: People Who Photoshop Their Social Media Posts
9.) PEOPLE WHO FACETIME IN PUBLIC (Treachery)
There are just SO MANY missteps that it is hard to forgive. The main character "Fatty Patty" gets her jaw broken by a homeless man trying to defend the chocolate bar that she was emotionally eating. She is bullied at school for her weight and then eats her emotions which creates a self-fulfilling cycle. As she says in the preview "As my classmates were out losing their virginity I as home, stuffing another hole." We will admit a few things: First, it is hard to do a comedy about sensitive issues and not appear tone deaf. Second, we could only make it though two episodes so maybe it gets better...?
Why We Stopped Watching
2.) 16 year old Patty (played by Deby Ryan, a 25 year old) loses weight through medically forced anorexia (having her jaw wired shut), rather than a healthy way. Additionally, she doesn't do anything to address her issues with eating and shares methods with her mentor about how to stay skinny by resisting food. She also becomes incredibly self-centered and determined to get "revenge". We don't know if she was a "good" person before she loses the weight but she certainly isn't after.
3.) Every character sucks! We understand that is is crucial for characters to have some flaws to make them relatable to the audience, but every character in this show is a self-absorbed jerk! Almost all of the women are obsessed with physical appearance in a way that creates the only action in this show.
Basically, it is perhaps a good premise but they took it in a seriously shitty direction with very little positive message (we understand that not every show HAS to have a positive message, but it would have been nice in this case). The fact that Netflix canceled Sense8 but ordered 2 seasons of this shallow crap shows very poor judgement in our book (also, bring back Sense8). Our opinion? Skip it. Instead for see "Dumplin'" out this weekend!!
Find out who you are and do it on purpose. -Dolly Parton
"Sick Note" 2017
"The Ballad of Buster Scruggs" 2018
Aren't you sick of all of the male/man oriented programming?? We are so over it.
We binged watched "Friends" so you don't have to.
This show, currently available for bingeing on Netflix, would more realistically be billed as "How not to treat your FRIENDS". We know that there is noting unique about looking back at this once popular show and HATING it, but we couldn't help it.
In case you (blissfully) forgot- season one starts with Rachel leaving her orthodontist fiance at the alter, and some how ending up at the coffee shop that her friends from childhood hang out at (maybe she was getting married in Washington Square Park?). She proceeds to then invite herself to live with Monica and hi-jinx ensues.
The flashbacks to "fat Monica" are cringe worthy. Call us lame but we aren't into fat shaming and don't find fat jokes funny. Especially since Courtney Cox was actually ridiculously skinny and the image that would inspire plenty of disordered eating. Jennifer Anistion is likewise super thin and they both frequently seem to no be wearing bras. Seriously, remember when being able to see women's nipples through their crew-necked t-shirt was cool? Well, it was.
Besides throwing each other birthday parties these people spend more time sabotaging one another than supporting. Somehow Joey, who is portrayed as as womanizer and thus worthy of feminist disdain, is actually the most supportive, helpful, and genuinely good to the women. Chandler has a few funny one liners but his treatment of Janice is truly messed up- but we are supposed to feel bad for him because his parents had a nasty divorce and it made him a sad boi. For the record, we didn't make it to the part where we met his father post transition so we couldn't cringe at those probably tasteless and definitely tactless jokes.
Enough for the appetizing whining, lets get to the main course of complaining: Dr. Ross Geller. Oh, where to start? He is basically the 90s version of an incel. Nothing is EVER his fault!! He is such a GOOD GUY!!! THEY WERE ON A BREAK! Rachel was always too good for him, as was his lesbian wife, and, frankly, his sister, Monica. Where to start? That time that he broke a little girl's leg so out of guilt he sold her cookies for her? Not Girl Scout cookies (trade mark reasons, probably). He pushed them onto Monica who clearly has an overeating problem that she keeps in check out of sheer will (and what a will that must be since she is a chef and thus working around food all day every day).
We know, it's supposed to be a joke on the idea of "drug pushers" that was popular in the 90s (news flash, drugs sell themselves, no need to push). He knew that she struggled with her weight and it was an issue for her but his desire to sell the most cookies were more important than physical and mental well-being. His wife being a lesbian is a personal assault on him. Rachel not being into him for season 1 is so UNFAIR! Somehow Rachel becomes interested in him despite the fact that all he does is whine and then Ross sabotages the relationship with his jealousy.
Instead of trusting Rachel about her coworker, Mark, he sends all sorts of gifts (including a barbershop quartet) to mark her as his territory. Also, instead on being excited that she finally has a job in the field that she wants a career in he complains about her having to work late. She can't make it home for their anniversary dinner because of a big deal at work and when he could choose to be supportive he doesn't. He shows up at her work (after she asked him not to) and causes problems for her.
She is so fed up with his territorial, un-supportive behavior that she suggest that they take a "break". He goes to the bar and freaks out with Joey and Chandler. She sits in the apartment and freaks out. Then her co-worker comes over to console her (not in a sexy way). Ross calls her because he is so broken up about their break. She is likewise broken up over it. They decide to not be on a break. Ross hears Mark and hangs up. Ross then hooks up with the Xerox girl because he is an idiot.
Ignoring other people's feelings and wishes while selfishly pursuing their own agenda is par for the course in this show but Ross takes it to another level. After he and Rachel break up she doesn't want him to come to her sister's ski cabin (legit) so he goes over to Carol's and complains. He ignores the fact that Carol is celebrating her anniversary with Susan and eats the food that Carol lovingly prepared for Susan while making himself out to be the victim of Rachel.
If Ross & Rachel are the iconic couple for the 90s then the 90s is lame. Chandler also constantly gas-lights Monica. The fact that they end up together is a testament to patriarchy and male writers. People are asking if "Friends" will get a reboot since "Rosanne" did. NO! We say never again! This show is so toxic that even the writer's room was hostile.
This (abortion) is a sticky topic. Rather it is an emotional topic. And we get it. The thought of babies being murdered is awful. We aren’t going to get into the science or technicalities of when does a fetus become a “baby” rather than just a bunch of cells because that isn’t what this post is about.
This is about the “Pro-life” movement- although we think that the term “pro-birth” is more accurate to describe the values of this movement. They are vehemently opposed to Roe Vs Wade and most of them want abortion to be illegal under all circumstances- even in cases of rape/incest and when the pregnancy is not valid or the mother’s life is in danger (they would probably like it to be similar to countries in South America where women are often jailed after miscarriages because they are suspected of an at home abortion).
We want to take a moment to congratulate Ireland- which FINALLY legalized abortion after decades of bitter battle. Needless to say countries that frequently make abortion illegal are Catholic. A church that doesn’t have an interest in protecting actual children from sexual assault and pedophilia but wants to protect unborn children… #ethics
Recently a woman made headlines with a twitter thread about how men are actually responsible for unwanted pregnancy (actually all pregnancy). See below for the pictures and text. This is the thing- if it was really about the babies then these groups would be interested in preventing unwanted pregnancies since that would be the most effective way to prevent abortions. While we were watching Brett Kavanaugh throw his temper tantrum in front of the senate judiciary committee it occurred to us that it boils down to power.
Once upon a time women had absolutely no power over their own bodies. They belonged to men. First their fathers and then to their husbands. There was no such thing as marital rape because it was the husband’s right. He had a right to her body. Women used to have to get their husband’s permission to get birth control. A recent Radiolab episode, "In the No, Part 2" (one of a three episode arc) brought up a point: we view sex as something that happens to women (which is why we use the term "consent") rather than something that she chooses and engages in.
Of course there are religious reasons for this. We don’t even want to go into the details of this because they are so ridiculous but here are a few reasons: “God” created Adam first and then he created Eve for Adam, God talked to Adam and not Eve, she sinned first. We are rolling our eyes so hard right now. Since the creation of religion and the move to agrarian societal structure the patriarchy has been doing its best to subvert and control women. You might also recognize this as slavery- which it is.
By controlling women’s reproductive rights men are seeking to control women (don’t @ us with “not all men” btw, we know that we are speaking in generalization and we don’t care). What is especially sinister regarding this is how they get to blame women for the unwanted pregnancies and take the moral high ground regarding saving innocent lives while actually just securing their own power. Motherhood is a huge commitment- physical, emotional, financial and psychological. We know that there are tons of men who step up to the plate and help out but even then the majority of the emotional labor is done by the women. Which amounts to brain space that then is not devoted to their career or other aspects of their lives.
This is why we maintain that the true motive for the “pro-birth” movement is power. Make sure to read until the end where she has a few ideas on how to stop unwanted pregnancies and thus abortion. Also, does the name Nevin Yildirim ring a bell? She was imprisoned in 2012 for shooting (in the penis) and decapitating her rapist (who was also her husband's cousin, gross). Here is an update on her. While we don't condone violence we do support self-defense. We think she is a hero.
And just for fun, here is a link to a story from the 90s about a woman who was raped while she was in a coma and became pregnant. Yes. You read that correctly. It seems to be a thing, because here is another one a couple of years later.
Scroll below the screen shot gallery for the text.
I’m a mother of six, and a Mormon. I have a good understanding of arguments surrounding abortion, religious and otherwise. I've been listening to men grandstand about women's reproductive rights, and I'm convinced men actually have zero interest in stopping abortion. Here's why…
If you want to stop abortion, you need to prevent unwanted pregnancies. And men are 100% responsible for unwanted pregnancies. No for real, they are. Perhaps you are thinking: IT TAKES TWO! And yes, it does take two for _intentional_ pregnancies.
But ALL unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. Period. Don’t believe me? Let me walk you through it. Let’s start with this: women can only get pregnant about 2 days each month. And that’s for a limited number of years.
That makes 24 days a year a women might get pregnant. But men can _cause_ pregnancy 365 days a year. In fact, if you’re a man who ejaculates multiple times a day, you could cause multiple pregnancies daily. In theory a man could cause 1000+ unwanted pregnancies in just one year.
And though their sperm gets crappier as they age, men can cause unwanted pregnancies from puberty till death. So just starting with basic biology + the calendar it’s easy to see men are the issue here.
But what about birth control? If a woman doesn’t want to risk an unwanted pregnancy, why wouldn’t she just use birth control? If a women can manage to figure out how to get an abortion, surely she can get birth control, right? Great questions.
Modern birth control is possibly the greatest invention of the last century, and I am very grateful for it. It’s also brutal. The side effects for many women are ridiculously harmful. So ridiculous, that when an oral contraception for men was created, it wasn’t approved…
because of the side effects. And the list of side effects was about 1/3 as long as the known side effects for women's oral contraception.
There’s a lot to be unpacked just in that story, but I’ll simply point out (in case you didn’t know) that as a society, we really don’t mind if women suffer, physically or mentally, as long as it makes things easier for men.
But good news, Men: Even with the horrible side effects, women are still very willing to use birth control. Unfortunately it’s harder to get than it should be. Birth control options for women require a doctor’s appointment and a prescription. It’s not free, and often not cheap.
In fact there are many people trying to make it more expensive by fighting to make sure insurance companies refuse to cover it. Oral contraceptives for women can’t be acquired easily, or at the last minute. And they don't work instantly.
If we’re talking about the pill, it requires consistent daily use and doesn’t leave much room for mistakes, forgetfulness, or unexpected disruptions to daily schedules. And again, the side effects can be brutal. I’M STILL GRATEFUL FOR IT PLEASE DON’T TAKE IT AWAY.
I’m just saying women's birth control isn’t simple or easy. In contrast, let’s look at birth control for men, meaning condoms. Condoms are readily available at all hours, inexpensive, convenient, and don’t require a prescription. They’re effective, and work on demand, instantly.
Men can keep them stocked up just in case, so they’re always prepared. Amazing! They are so much easier than birth control options for women. As a bonus, in general, women love when men use condoms. They keep us from getting STDs, they don’t lessen our pleasure during sex…
or prevent us from climaxing. And the best part? Clean up is so much easier — no waddling to the toilet as your jizz drips down our legs. So why in the world are there ever unwanted pregnancies? Why don't men just use condoms every time they have sex? Seems so simple, right?
Oh. I remember. Men _don’t_ love condoms. In fact, men frequently pressure women to have sex without a condom. And it’s not unheard of for men to remove the condom during sex, without the women’s permission or knowledge. (Pro-tip: That's assault.)
Why would men want to have sex without a condom? Good question. Apparently it’s because for the minutes they are penetrating their partner, having no condom on gives the experience more pleasure.
So… there are men willing to risk getting a woman pregnant — which means literally risking her life, her health, her social status, her relationships, and her career, so that they can experience a few minutes of _slightly_ more pleasure? Is that for real? Yes. Yes it is.
What are we talking about here pleasure-wise? If there’s a pleasure scale, with pain beginning at zero and going down into the negatives, a back-scratch falling at 5, and an orgasm without a condom being a 10, where would sex _with_ a condom fall? Like a 7 or 8?
So it’s not like sex with a condom is _not_ pleasurable, it’s just not _as_ pleasurable. An 8 instead of a 10. Let me emphasize that again: Men regularly choose to put women at massive risk by having non-condom sex, in order to experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure.
Now keep in mind, for the truly condom-averse, men also have a non-condom, always-ready birth control built right in, called the pull out. It’s not perfect, and it's a favorite joke, but it is also 96% effective.
So surely, we can expect men who aren’t wearing a condom to at least pull out every time they have sex, right? Nope. And why not?
Well, again, apparently it’s _slightly_ more pleasurable to climax inside a vagina than, say, on their partner’s stomach. So men are willing to risk the life, health and well-being of women, in order to experience a tiny bit more pleasure for like 5 seconds during orgasm.
It’s mind-boggling and disturbing when you realize that’s the choice men are making. And honestly, I’m not as mad as I should be about this, because we’ve trained men from birth that their pleasure is of utmost importance in the world. (And to dis-associate sex and pregnancy.)
While we’re here, let’s talk a bit more about pleasure and biology. Did you know that a man CAN'T get a woman pregnant without having an orgasm? Which means that we can conclude getting a woman pregnant is a pleasurable act for men.
But did you further know that men CAN get a woman pregnant without HER feeling any pleasure at all? In fact, it’s totally possible for a man to impregnate a woman even while causing her excruciating pain, trauma or horror.
In contrast, a woman can have non-stop orgasms with or without a partner and never once get herself pregnant. A woman’s orgasm has literally nothing to do with pregnancy or fertility — her clitoris exists not for creating new babies, but simply for pleasure.
No matter how many orgasms she has, they won’t make her pregnant. Pregnancies can only happen when men have an orgasm. Unwanted pregnancies can only happen when men orgasm irresponsibly.
What this means is a women can be the sluttliest slut in the entire world who loves having orgasms all day long and all night long and she will never find herself with an unwanted pregnancy unless a man shows up and ejaculates irresponsibly.
Women enjoying sex does not equal unwanted pregnancy and abortion. Men enjoying sex and having irresponsible ejaculations is what causes unwanted pregnancies and abortion.
Let’s talk more about responsibility. Men often don’t know, and don’t ask, and don’t think to ask, if they’ve caused a pregnancy. They may never think of it, or associate sex with making babies at all. Why? Because there are 0 consequences for men who cause unwanted pregnancies.
If the woman decides to have an abortion, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation.
If the woman decides to have the baby, or put the baby up for adoption, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation, or that there’s now a child walking around with 50% of his DNA.
If the woman does tell him that he caused an unwanted pregnancy and that she’s having the baby, the closest thing to a consequence for him, is that he may need to pay child support. But our current child support system is well-known to be a joke.
61% of men (or women) who are legally required to pay it, simply don’t. With little or no repercussions. Their credit isn’t even affected. So, many men keep going as is, causing unwanted pregnancies with irresponsible ejaculations and never giving it thought.
When the topic of abortion comes up, men might think: Abortion is horrible; women should not have abortions. And never once consider the man who CAUSED the unwanted pregnancy. If you’re not holding men responsible for unwanted pregnancies, then you are wasting your time.
Stop protesting at clinics. Stop shaming women. Stop trying to overturn abortion laws. If you actually care about reducing or eliminating the number of abortions in our country, simply HOLD MEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.
What would that look like? What if there was a real and immediate consequence for men who cause an unwanted pregnancy? What kind of consequence would make sense? Should it be as harsh, painful, nauseating, scarring, expensive, risky, and life-altering…
… as forcing a woman to go through a 9-month unwanted pregnancy?
In my experience, men really like their testicles. If irresponsible ejaculations were putting their balls at risk, they would stop being irresponsible. Does castration seem like a cruel and unusual punishment? Definitely.
But is it worse than forcing 500,000 women a year to puke daily for months, gain 40 pounds, and then rip their bodies apart in childbirth? Is a handful of castrations worse than women dying during forced pregnancy & childbirth?
Put a castration law on the books, implement the law, let the media tell the story, and in 3 months or less, tada! abortions will have virtually disappeared. Can you picture it? No more abortions in less than 3 months, without ever trying to outlaw them. Amazing.
For those of you who consider abortion to be murder, wouldn’t you be on board with having a handful of men castrated, if it prevented 500,000 murders each year?
And if not, is that because you actually care more about policing women’s bodies, morality, and sexuality, than you do about reducing or eliminating abortions? (That’s a rhetorical question.)
Hey, you can even have the men who will be castrated bank their sperm before it happens — just in case they want to responsibly have kids some day.
Can’t wrap your head around a physical punishment for men? Even though you seem to be more than fine with physical punishments for women? Okay. Then how about this prevention idea: At the onset of puberty, all males in the U.S. could be required by law to get a vasectomy.
Vasectomies are very safe, totally reversible, and about as invasive as an doctor’s exam for a woman getting a birth control prescription. There is some soreness afterwards for about 24 hours, but that’s pretty much it for side effects.
(So much better than The Pill, which is taken by millions of women in our country, the side effects of which are well known and can be brutal.)
If/when the male becomes a responsible adult, and perhaps finds a mate, if they want to have a baby, the vasectomy can be reversed, and then redone once the childbearing stage is over. And each male can bank their sperm before the vasectomy, just in case.
It’s not that wild of an idea. 80% of males in the U.S. are circumcised, most as babies. And that’s not reversible.
Don’t like my ideas? That’s fine. I’m sure there are better ones. Go ahead and suggest your own ideas. My point is that it’s nonsense to focus on women if you’re trying to get rid of abortions. Abortion is the “cure” for an unwanted pregnancy.
If you want to stop abortions, you need to prevent the “disease” – meaning, unwanted pregnancies. And the only way to do that, is by focusing on men, because: MEN CAUSE 100% OF UNWANTED PREGNANCIES. Or. IRRESPONSIBLE EJACULATIONS BY MEN CAUSE 100% OF UNWANTED PREGNANCIES.
If you’re a man, what would the consequence need to be for you to never again ejaculate irresponsibly? Would it be money related? Maybe a loss of rights or freedoms? Physical pain?
Ask yourselves: What would it take for you to value the life of your sexual partner more than your own temporary pleasure or convenience?
Are you someone who learns better with analogies? Let’s try this one: Think of another great pleasure in life, let’s say food. Think of your favorite meal, dessert, or drink.
What if you found out that every time you indulge in that favorite food you risked causing great physical and mental pain for someone you know intimately. You might not cause any pain, but it’s a real risk.
Well, you’d probably be sad, but never indulge in that food again, right? Not worth the risk!
And then, what if you further found out, there was a simple thing you could do before you ate that favorite food, and it would eliminate the risk of causing pain to someone else. Which is great news!
BUT the simple thing you need to do makes the experience of eating the food slightly less pleasurable. To be clear, it would still be VERY pleasurable, but slightly less so. Like maybe you have to eat the food with a fork or spoon that you don’t particularly like.
Would you be willing to do that simple thing, and eliminate the risk of causing pain to someone you know intimately, every single time you ate your favorite food?
OF COURSE YOU WOULD.
Condoms (or even pulling out) is that simple thing. Don’t put women at risk. Don’t choose to maximize your own pleasure if it risks causing women pain.
Men mostly run our government. Men mostly make the laws. And men could eliminate abortions in 3 months or less without ever touching an abortion law or evening mentioning women.
In summary: STOP TRYING TO CONTROL WOMEN’S BODIES AND SEXUALITY. UNWANTED PREGNANCIES ARE CAUSED BY MEN.
Exactly Our Thoughts.
We, like many people, didn’t even realize that “Sabrina” was a comic, but it was. Originating in 1962 in the “Archie”/”Riverdale” universe, “Sabrina” promises plenty of hi-jinks. While we are not familiar with the comic since this is from the same producers as CW's "Riverdale" we are going to make an educated guess that it takes a lot of artistic license with the story, setting, and characters.
Similar to many other popular shows these days it creates an atmosphere of nostalgia but without any exclusivity. "Stranger Things" (also from Netflix in case you have been living under a rock these past few years), for example, is set in the 80s- think ET/Spielberg danger in safe suburbia. In the case of Sabrina, on the other hand, it is set in the 50s- which is also perfect for hipsters- but presents some diversity.
Sabrina’s cousin Ambrose is pansexual and her friend Susie is gender non-conforming. There is also racial diversity that exists but they don't make plot points around it. We especially like the little detail where the ophthalmologist is a woman. Beyond that we can see the change in the perception of being a teenager. In the 90s Sabrina was a comedic, sugary sweet, idealized version of being a teenager. Her biggest concern is whether or not Harvey likes her back. That isn’t to say that we don’t love the 90s “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”, it is a product of a different era.
They do explore chauvinism/tribalism in a different way: witches vs mortals. Since Sabrina's mom is human and her dad is a witch that puts her in between the two worlds. The prejudices from some of the witches hearkens to a time (the actual 50s) where one might have received such negative attention for their skin color. Sabrina does fit in well with the mortals- but only because she is "passing" as one of them.
The Netflix production is much darker than the 90s creation and full of gore (perfect for this time of year). Spoiler alert: there is no animatronic cat with witty 1 liners. It also highlights important issues that seem to be timeless. What is a witch? A woman that wants knowledge and power? Let’s all agree that “magic” as presented with witches is not real. Scientists now believe the hysteria regarding the Salem witch trial was actually caused by a mold called “ergot” which grows on rye and causes hallucinations.
Sabrina is a witch in the fictional sense but also a “witch” in the patriarchal terms: the first few episodes she is embroiled in defending her friend, Susie, who is being bullied by some popular boys for being gender non-conforming. Honestly, “bullying” is not a strong enough word because at one point they pin her down and pull up her shirt to see if she has breasts- which constitutes sexual assault. Sabrina stands up to the administration for justice and tries to create a support system for girls at the school through creating community.
Which is reminiscent of reality- in the 1970s when little was done for rape victims (it was their fault for existing, or something), so Rape Crisis Centers were created by individuals to support those in need. In the end, after being disappointed by the school administration she ends up taking a little vigilante justice. We wonder if the women's movement is coming to the same conclusion as our country doubles down on the patriarchy... That is probably better for another post, though...
While there are a lot of themes that might appeal to adults there is also plenty of teen angst for younger audiences. Refreshingly, it isn’t simply “does my crush like me” angst, but real issues of helping those you love, not being able to sometimes, and also not being able to fix everything despite your best efforts. One of the best lessons, though, which is for everyone- is that people make mistakes and if you really love them you learn how to forgive them and still support them. We are not going to lie, there are some really dark parts in this season (cannibalism, fratricide), but it is perfect for the spooky fall season.
It isn’t just “spooky”, though. The devil is real in this world. They refer to him as the “Dark Lord” and worship him at the Church of the Night. We aren’t sure if we like the fact that Satan is still male in this universe or are annoyed by the fact that these women- who consider themselves above “mortals” because they have knowledge and power- are still worshiping a man.
Indeed, even then "rebelling" against the norms presented in Christianity they still are given power from a male... *sigh* We know that this follows the tradition and lore of witch history but we would just like it so much better and would find it much more interesting if the all powerful Dark Lord was also gender non-conforming. The high priest is also male which we think would have been much better as a High Priestess. Despite that pandering the rest of the show features strong women and definitely passes the Bechtel Test.
Still, we think it is safe to assume that Fundamental Christians will not be tuning in.
The relationship between Sabrina and Harvey is mostly sweet, chaste, and virginal. In fact, the whole “virgin” thing does play a role a few times in the show and frankly, we are over the “virgin” stuff. Virgins are people too- they have also done good or bad and the idolization doesn’t serve anyone. Sabrina and Harvey are already in a relationship at the beginning of the show so we miss the usually popular will they/won’t they drama (which if we are recalling correctly was a big part of the 90s show). Interestingly enough, the "love story" of Sabrina's life is probably the least interesting part of it. But don't you worry, Ambrose has quite a nice love story and we are willing to bet there will be a few points that you will find yourself swooning!
To be sure, this woman has broken barriers and made a lot of changes in the world. When you search for her on Google, though, it pops up as "Former First Lady" as if that we her crowning achievement (Google, I am rolling my eyes in your general direction). FYI she was a senator for the state of New York and she also served as the Secretary of State for the country (you probably also remember her runs for president...).
When the scandal broke I saw it as a cheap shot from "evil Republicans". My 12 year old brain figured that he had the most difficult job in the world, who cares if he got a blowjob in the Oval Office? Then my teacher asked if it would be okay if the woman wasn't willing. Monica Lewinsky maintained that the relationship was consensual but there were other women (before I paid attention to the news) that were not. Was that okay stress relief for the president?
That gave me serious pause and was the first chink in my Democratic identity armor. If you are unsure what I am talking about there is a Wikipedia page dedicated to Bill Clinton's sexual misconduct allegations. That was not right. BUT it was in the past and the situation of 1998 was consensual I quickly rationalized. I want to be clear that I do not blame Hillary Clinton for her husband's actions or think that she should answer for them. As the story unfolded I followed what the media was saying about the intern with whom he had the affair with. It was not pretty.
Monica Lewinsky was basically doxxed by the Drudge Report. At 23 years old she had to contend with an repulsive amount of criticism from mainstream media. They took her picture from her passport (who looks good in those???) and called her "chunky", "ditzy", a "bimbo" and more. No one stood up for her. Feminists stood by President Clinton. At 12 I thought that 21 (the age that the affair began) was an adult. Now that I am in my 30s I can see that 21 is oh, so young.
What, you may ask, does this have to do with my feelings for Hillary? I think that in the true spirit of feminism Hillary should have defended Monica. Instead she played the victim. Hillary parades Gloria Steinem around with quotes like "There is a special place in hell for women who don't support other women" when it is convenient for her. The rest of the time she is just making sure that she has a spot in the boys club. It is the hypocrisy that bothers me.
The way that high profile feminists treated Lewinsky altered my view of feminism entirely. I still have mixed feelings about that term as a result of the catty behavior from the 90s. These news stories, what was did and said was very powerful for me, and the lessons that my young mind learned from them was that “feminists” will rationalize wrong actions if it suits their agenda (ironically, in this case to pass sexual harassment legislation). I am still grappling with the meaning of the term “feminist”. I have become even more aware of the struggle that became Monica Lewinsky's life as a result of the scandal. She is writing thoughtful and insightful pieces for Vanity Fair now, including one that addresses Hillary Clinton's actions and legacy regarding the event.
I am sure that it was a stressful time for Clinton and perhaps she looks back and wishes she did something differently. Except I think that it's safe to say that she doesn't because she still won't admit that there was a power imbalance at play between a 21 year old intern and 49 year old president of the United States of America. According to her, 21 is an adult and that is the end of the story. The reality is, though, that you can't capitalize on #metoo while continuing to excuse and apologize for your sexual predator husband. Clinton wants to have her cake and eat it too.
I wish that I could like Hillary. Even if our politics were the same (which they aren't) I still find her highly problematic. In her I see everything that is wrong with 2nd wave feminism: elitism and exclusion. Yet, I do recognize her accomplishments- hence the uncomfortable rather than hate. This is what would make me feel better: if she apologized to Lewinsky (her husband should also apologize but for completely different reasons). If Clinton reached out to Lewinsky and simply said sorry for the way that Lewinsky was treated, Clinton's lack of support war wrong, and publicly forgave Lewinsky for the adultery. These two women are incredibly strong and repairing that rift would be so powerful.
While the catty and apologist behavior of well known feminists in the 90s put a bad taste in my mouth regarding "feminism" when I was younger it continues today. Let me be clear on something: I don't believe that anyone is perfect, (myself strongly included) but when misconduct does occur it is important to learn from it. I don't believe that women are not capable of sexism or sexual harassment just because they are frequently the target of it.
You may or may not have heard about a currently going on where a (male) graduate student has accused his (female) faculty adviser of sexual harassment. If not, here is a great podcast from Stuff Your Mom Never Told You about it, here is an NY Times article about it, and an op ed from someone who worked with the professor. The e-mails that she wrote are beyond "cringe-worthy" and are in no way appropriate between a professor and student. Professor Ronell may or may not be a feminist herself (that is not what her scholarship is in), but well known feminists came to her defense (looking at you Judith Butler).
This is my problem with "feminism" (notably 2nd wave feminists) the idea that people who are part of a marginalized group can't also be bad actors and need to apologize, learn, change. They cry "believe victims" but don't do it themselves when it doesn't fit their narrative. To be fair, Butler has written a letter to the editor apologizing but still benefits from and participates in the patriarchal and toxic structure of academia.
I want to identify with these women, with the idea of “feminism”, but mostly I just don't.
Lets talk about shame. First, what is the difference between shame and guilt? Shame is when we feel bad about something regarding ourselves (that often cannot change). Guilt is related to others. For example, you might feel guilty that you don't call your parents enough. Shame would be feeling like you were a bad son/daughter.
Woman are constantly shamed for MANY, MANY things but we are going to take a look at genital shaming. This starts at a young age- for many girls in elementary or middle school (if not earlier at home). Usually it coincides with puberty (for the record we are not saying that boys never receive genital shaming, that just isn't our topic).
One of the first topics hurled at young girls is smell. This is the thing- for the most part there shouldn't be a bad smell but sometimes there is. Usually, this has to do with diet which effects the pH and yeast/bacteria balance and can be addressed. Unfortunately, people often resort to very unnatural products to try and remedy this.
This is not recommended and often makes things worse. The vagina (which is the interior canal) is self cleansing and the chemicals can really throw it out of whack. If there is a serious smell and you are SURE it is not diet related (meaning you have changed it and stuck with the change for at least a few weeks) then you should go to a doctor (there are a lot of reasons that you might want to go to the doctor before sorting your diet, though).
From the creator:
"Have you ladies ever tried a Yoni Mist? I never thought about misting my va-jay-jay but then when I saw a product on the isles of my grocery store I thought hmmm that might be something I’m in to. (Wasn’t in to the ingredients they used so I decided to make my own.) Turns out, TOTALLY INTO IT!
I’m all about staying fresh and clean and this most comes with all of that and more!
One special ingredient used in this mist is our Wild-Crafted Rose Infused Oil. This means wild roses were hand-picked and (sustainably) harvested, rinsed, and infused in Organic Grape Seed Oil for two weeks before straining and filtering of the elixir. Rose benefits your skin by reducing redness, calming and evening skin tone, and offers antiseptic and astringent properties. You’ll have your lady garden smelling like a bouquet of roses in just one mist! Yay!
Apple cider vinegar is all the rave nowadays so it’s not surprising that you can also incorporate this ingredient when thinking about vaginal care. It can reduce inflammation and itching sensations along with balancing pH. Pretty good, huh?!
The essential oils of Tea Tree and Lavender are used in this mist to calm, soothe, and sanitize. Tea Tree is antibacterial and anti-fungal while Lavender is a sweet-smelling aroma.
Ingredients: Jojoba Oil, Coconut Oil, Sunflower Oil, Rose water, Apple Cider Vinegar, Witch Hazel, Tea Tree, Lavender, Wild-Crafted rose infused oil.
Shake well before use.
To use: Spread legs apart and mist on and around your Lovely Little Lady.
Do not spray inside vagina.
Wild Heart, Wild Spirit, Wild Woman!
Unleash the Wild within you! "
Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha is a well researched masterpiece that throws out historical and patriarchal assumptions regarding sexuality and takes an unbiased look at the evidence to draw new conclusions.
Box at Santa Fe Staff
Women In The Middle East